Hosting Holidays in a Small House (When You're Embarrassed by Yours)

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I'll be honest with you. I don't love having people over. Not because I don't love the people. I do. It's the house.

We live in a house built in the 1950s with one bathroom for eight people. The carpet is beat up. The kitchen linoleum is worse. Our couches don't match, the clutter never fully goes away, and with five cats and a dog, I'm always wondering what the house smells like to someone who doesn't live here.

For years, every time someone came over, I spent the whole visit nervous. I'd watch where they looked. I'd apologize for things nobody had mentioned. And somewhere along the way I realized something that changed how I host: my guests didn't come over to inspect my house. They came to have a good time. By worrying so much, I was actually being a poor host.

So this is how I host the holidays now, in a small, old, lived-in house I'm still a little embarrassed by. What I clean, what I skip, how the kids help, and what I tell myself when the nerves kick in.

Who actually comes over

We don't host big parties. Our guests are mostly family, and that's how I like it.

My sister comes for Thanksgiving and Christmas. One year she brought her boyfriend along. My husband's son from his first marriage comes to visit sometimes. And my 14-year-old has her friends over now and then, which is its own kind of nerve-wracking, because teenage girls notice things.

My sister is the only one who sleeps over, usually for two or three nights. We don't have a guest room. We don't have a spare anything. She sleeps on the couch, and she keeps coming back, which tells me a lot about what actually matters.

If you're hosting Thanksgiving this year too, here's how I feed everyone without blowing the budget in my post on Thanksgiving on a budget.

What I'm embarrassed about (the honest list)

I think it helps to name it. Here's what goes through my head before anyone walks in the door:

One bathroom. Eight of us share it every day, and when guests come, they share it too. It badly needs renovating.

An old, dated house. Worn carpet, tired linoleum, and the kind of wear that comes from a big family living somewhere for years.

Not enough seating. Two mismatched couches and a lot of people. Somebody always ends up on the floor or perched on an arm.

Clutter that never goes away. With six kids, there's always more stuff than places to put it.

Pet hair and pet smell. Five cats and a dog. You get used to it when you live with it, which is exactly what worries me.

If any of those are on your list too, you're in good company.

What guests actually notice

Here's the funny part. In all the years we've lived here, not one person has said a word about the one bathroom. Not one person has mentioned the clutter.

What do they comment on? The big backyard. Every single time.

I spend days stressing over the things I think are wrong with the house, and my guests are looking at the one thing that's great about it. That was a real eye-opener for me. People notice what's good much more than we think they do, and they're much less critical than we are of ourselves.

How I get the house ready

I don't try to get the whole house perfect. I put my energy into the rooms every guest uses: the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room and the floors. If those are clean and smell good, the rest of the house can be lived in.

I walk through exactly what I deep clean in my holiday cleaning checklist, but here's what matters most to me.

The bathroom gets the most attention

When you only have one bathroom, every guest is going to see it. So this is where I go a little extra.

Deep clean, especially the toilet. Then I add a Scrubbing Bubbles toilet freshener so it stays fresh between cleanings.

Extra toilet paper where they can see it. Nobody wants to have to ask, or go digging under the sink in someone else's house.

Upgrade the hand soap. I swap our everyday soap for one that smells really good, like Mrs. Meyer's hand soap. It's a small thing, but it makes the bathroom feel cared for.

Put out our nicest towels. The good ones, not the ones the kids have been using. Ours are these soft American Soft Linen bath towels.

Empty the trash. Always, right before guests arrive.

Air freshener spray. I keep a can of Lysol air sanitizer spray in the bathroom for guests. With pets in the house, it's one of the things that helps me relax.

None of that fixes the old floor or the bathroom that needs a remodel. But a clean bathroom that smells good, with everything a guest needs right there, feels welcoming no matter how dated it is.

The kitchen, and the fridge

The kitchen gets a deep clean too, since that's where everyone ends up. Then my two oldest clean out the fridge. That one surprises people, but it's become one of my favorite parts of getting ready.

Cleaning out the fridge before guests does two things. There's room for leftovers when it's all over, and nothing smelly is hiding in there when someone opens the door to grab a drink. After a holiday meal for a crowd, you need that space.

The living room

The living room is where everyone ends up sitting and talking, so it gets cleaned too. And just like the bathroom, I make sure it smells nice. With five cats and a dog, that's the room I worry about most once everyone settles in on the couches. I keep a Gain plug-in air freshener in the living room outlet, so it smells fresh without me having to think about it.

Floors

With five cats and a dog, the floors make the biggest difference. Every floor in the house gets cleaned, and the kids vacuum their own rooms.

If you have pets too, I wrote about why pet hair is a frequency problem, not a cleaning problem, in my post on the best vacuums for pet hair.

What I let go

This is the part that took me the longest to learn. You can't fix everything before guests come, and you don't have to.

The bedrooms

I don't worry about the bedrooms too much. Guests aren't really going in there. The kids still pick up, vacuum and make their beds so the house looks presentable, but I'm not deep cleaning anyone's room. The exception: when my 14-year-old has friends over, she cleans her own bedroom. She cares, so she does it.

The clutter I can't get to

I try to put some of the clutter away in a closet if there's room. If there isn't, I might cover it with a blanket or disguise it somehow. It's not hidden perfectly, and that's fine. It just doesn't have to be the first thing anyone sees.

We live in a small house with no pantry and tiny closets, so space is always tight. I've shared what actually helps in my post on organizing small spaces.

The things I can't fix

Some things I have no control over, so I don't worry about them. The spots on the wall where the baby drew with a marker. The worn carpet and the kitchen floor. The couches that don't match. Those are going to be there whether I stress about them or not, so I've stopped spending my energy on them before a visit.

Everybody helps

With six kids, I'm not cleaning for company alone. When guests are coming, I round everyone up.

Every kid: pick up their room, vacuum their floor and make their bed.

Trash: they help me take it out, all of it, not just the kitchen.

The two oldest: clean out the fridge.

The rooms don't have to be spotless. They have to be presentable. That's a standard every kid in the house can meet, even the little ones, and it means I'm not the only one carrying it. If getting kids to help is a struggle in your house, here's what works for us in how to get kids to do chores without asking five times.

Feeding everyone without the fuss

I don't plate food for the adults. Everything goes out, and grown-ups are free to make their own plates and pick what they want. Nobody has to sit and wait for me, and nobody ends up with something they didn't want.

For the kids, I ask if they'd like me to make their plate. Little ones usually say yes, and it saves a lot of spills at the counter.

That's it. No fancy table settings, no courses. Good food, and people getting to eat it the way they like.

What I tell myself when the nerves hit

I still get nervous before people come over. I don't think that ever fully goes away. But these are the things I remind myself of, and they help.

They came to see us. Not the house. They came to visit and have a good time.

We live how we live. We have the house we have, and that's just what it is.

It will always look lived in, because we live here. Eight people, five cats and a dog. A house like that isn't supposed to look like a magazine.

Comfortable and presentable is enough. I do my best to make everything clean and welcoming. That's the job. Perfect isn't.

Anyone who wants to judge too harshly doesn't have to come over. I don't say it to be mean. It just takes the pressure off. The people who matter aren't keeping score.

And the biggest one: worrying makes me a worse host. When I'm busy watching what my guests look at, I'm not talking to them. When I let it go, I actually get to enjoy my family.

What I'd change, and what I wouldn't

If I could change the house, I'd start with all new floors. The carpet is really beat up, and so is the linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom. I'd love new furniture too, so the couches finally match. And much less clutter.

I don't always enjoy having people over, and I think it's OK to admit that. But I do love seeing my family and sitting and talking with them. That part is worth every bit of the scrubbing and the nerves. One day we'll get the floors. For now, the people are the point.

My before-guests checklist

Save this for the next time company's coming:

• Deep clean the bathroom, toilet first, and add a toilet freshener

• Set out extra toilet paper where guests can see it

• Swap in the nice hand soap and the nicest towels

• Empty the bathroom trash and leave air freshener spray out

• Deep clean the kitchen

• Clean out the fridge (room for leftovers, nothing smelly)

• Clean the living room and make sure it smells nice (a plug-in helps)

• Clean every floor

• Kids pick up, vacuum and make their beds

• Take out all the trash

• Move clutter to a closet, or cover it with a blanket

• Let go of what you can't fix

Short on time? Here's my 3-hour plan to clean your house fast before guests. And for the feeling of the house, not just the look, read how to make your home feel calm, even when it's a mess.

Your house doesn't have to be big, new or perfect to host the holidays. It just has to be clean where it counts, smell nice, and have you in it, relaxed enough to enjoy the people who came.