Gifts for the Mom Who Wants Nothing: 10 She'll Actually Use

Some of the links below are affiliate links, which means I earn a small commission if you buy through them, at no cost to you. Several things on this list aren't linked at all, because nobody pays me for them. Those might be the best ones.

Two years ago my husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said nothing, really, I'm fine. I meant it when I said it. I was also, at that moment, standing in the kitchen holding a laundry basket on my hip, and what I actually wanted was to sit in a quiet room and not be needed by anybody for forty-five minutes.

I didn't say that, because it doesn't sound like a gift. It sounds like a complaint.

So he bought me a very nice set of storage jars, and I said thank you, and I meant that too. But here's what happened next: I washed them, I filled them, I found somewhere to put them, and then I took care of them. A gift became one more thing on the list.

That's the whole problem with buying for a mom who says she doesn't want anything. She isn't being modest. She's doing the math on what your gift will cost her in upkeep, and quietly deciding it isn't worth it.

Everything below passes that test. I've sorted them by what they do, because that's how she'd sort them.

Something to do alone

Not self-care. Something that's hers, that nobody else touches, that doesn't require her to leave the house at a specific time.

Something that does a chore

The bucket nobody shops in, and the one she'd pick. None of these are affiliate links. I earn nothing when you book a cleaner, which is exactly why I'll tell you it's the best thing on this page.

Something just nice

Three things with no job to do. She won't buy any of them for herself, which is the entire point of a gift.

What to say when she says don't get me anything

Don't argue with her. She'll dig in, and then she'll feel like a burden for having wanted something, and the whole exchange becomes a small fight neither of you meant to have.

Ask a different question instead. Not what do you want — she genuinely doesn't know, and answering it is work. Ask:

She'll answer that one immediately, and without guilt, because it isn't a request. Then go buy the removal of it.

And if you're the mom reading this

You're allowed to want something specific. Wanting a clean bathroom you didn't clean is not greedy, and it isn't a complaint about your family.

Here's the part that took me two more years to learn: they aren't refusing to get you what you want. They can't guess, they're afraid of getting it wrong, and “nothing, really” puts them in an impossible position. Telling them is a kindness to both of you.

So copy this and send it to whoever keeps asking:

One more thing

Every gift on this list is really the same gift wearing different clothes: somebody else noticing the work, and taking a piece of it off her.

The jars were lovely. But the year he booked the cleaner and told me to leave the house, I cried in the car in a parking lot for ten minutes and then went to the library. Best gift I've ever gotten. It cost less than the jars.

Swap the Saturday for whatever yours is. The wording matters less than saying a specific thing out loud.